Friday, April 27, 2012

“Regrets – I’ve Had a Few  ~  But Then Again, Too Few to Mention”


They say as you stare death in the face your life flashes in front of you. I don’t believe it! What I think happens to all of us whether we have an unfavorable diagnosis or just as we enter into the senior aspect of life we take account of what has occurred over the years. It’s a gradual process of remembering life from the time you were a small child until now as you remember the good times as well as the not so good times.

I know in my case I have replayed “highlights” of my life in my head lately and have wondered if there was anything I would have done differently and what the outcome of those changes would be as I sit here today.

Starting with childhood I have to say I had a great time growing up. Summers playing all day with my friends whether it was in the little kiddy pool we had in the yard, baseball in the alley, sitting on the stairs in the evening with friends, reading every book I could get my hands on from the library, swimming at the pool with friends, going to the lake with family and friends for picnics, fishing with my dad, hiking through the woods with my dad (which really was the forest preserve) and all the other summertime activities. We never went on big flashy vacations but managed to get away the 2nd week of August to Wisconsin to the lake or a resort.

Winters were spent going to school, ice skating at the park (one year mom even put a rink in the yard), sledding, building igloos, great holidays with family and friends (playing hangman on the paper tablecloth), doing arts and crafts and just being a kid with no pressures beyond making it to the next grade!

No - No Regrets here!

As I got older and through college I started my first “real” job at Marshall Fields. I met different people, developed friendships, did all the things you do at that age including going to clubs and bars, dancing and drinking all night (and getting up and going to work the next day), I caught the travel bug and started traveling to places from Las Vegas to Australia by myself because I had to see what was beyond my little world in Chicago. I re-met my husband Mark (we lived a block apart and went to the same grammar school), got married and continued our love of travel.

No – No Regrets here either!

By this time I started working for a company where I stayed 20 years, met and made so many friends I still talk to today, continued my love of travel, was mentored by a great man (Thanks Ray!) who pushed me to be my best and sent me to China to learn before it was the thing to do. That opportunity allowed me to be recruited by another company where I managed facilities in Mexico and China and continued to learn. This allowed me to be able to write for several magazines, be interviewed for major publications, teach seminars and eventually start my own business.

I’ve run marathons, participated in triathlons and have led a full and happy life.

No – No Regrets here!

As time continued I was once again recruited for another great company where I am today. - working with friends who are like family members. Of course with what I have been through the last 2 years my love of travel has been put on hold but I’m OK with that.

As you can see I have so much to be grateful for and not much in the regret area. I have a wonderful family, fantastic friends all over the world and although my health isn’t where I’d like it to be I’ve been lucky enough to wake up every morning so far.

So I’m sure by now your thinking OK, but there has to be something in your life you regret. Sure, the passing of my mom when I was 33 was hard. I wish I was a little closer to my two nieces (Courtney and Megan). But besides being diagnosed with this cancer I can’t really think of anything I would change. I am content with the life I built and am living. I am at peace with where I am and who I am today.

So, Regrets – maybe a few, but too few to mention.  I DID IT MY WAY!

My advice to you is to be happy with who you are and what you have accomplished in life. If you’re not happy with something change it now – don’t wait until it’s too late.


Keep on Dancin’ my Friends

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

It's been a crazy week and a half. Chemo was a fiasco but I did manage to keep my cool. Saw the doctor for a quick check up - not much to report except the next CT Scan is May 1. Went over to IV Infusion and checked in about an hour early. For once the doctor was on time and we didn't have a lot of rushing from one appointment to another. Waited for over 2.5 hours before I was called. Seemed the Pharmacist mixed my chemo wrong (all chemo is mixed especially for the patient based on weight, etc before the treatment) and it had to be re-done. Thankfully they have checks and balances to catch these things but in the mean time we sat. By that time it was after 4:00PM and there was hardly anyone left. All of a sudden to our right a women who was with a chemo patient went straight as a board and started shaking. She was having a seizure. I never saw so many doctors and personal move to an area so quickly. Without exaggerating there had to be at least 20 people attending to her. Within 15 minutes they had her stabilized, on a stretcher and on the way down to ER. I guess if something like that was going to happen it happened in the right place.

More waiting (turns out because my chemo is a trial drug it's made in a Pharmacy in another building). They finally hooked me up about 5:00PM. Like I said all and all I was pretty calm through the whole wait. I must be mellowing.

The next morning I woke up with a full blown head cold including cough and congestion. It seems like after every treatment on this new chemo I've come down with something. All I could think of it that it's driving down my immune system and what ever is floating out there I am catching. The rest of the week and weekend was miserable. I spent the whole weekend in my PJ's. I felt better Monday but can't seem to loose the cough. I also developed laryngitis and haven't been able to talk for three days. Plus my right eye is bloodshot and sensitive to light. BUT, I did wake up this morning so I'm not complaining. I actually feel great and able to work and get around. It's just a little hard to communicate. Of course everyone thinks it's funny that I can't talk. Don't know what they are implying!

I'm hoping I'll be back to normal by the end of the week so I have a week and a half of feeling good before I have to go back.

As you could see there is always some excitement going on in my life. I live for the days of boredom!

Until I can shake this virus I think I'm keeping the old Dancin' slippers next to the bed.

Keep on Dancin' my friends!

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

What a week it has been. As I last posted I got good news. The news still stays the same, however I had another "Attack of the Gall Bladder" (coming to a movie theater in your neighborhood). For those of you who have been following this you will remember in September and November of 2010 these attacks actually landed me in the hospital for an extended time. This one started Tuesday during the night but didn't escalate until 1AM Wednesday. I did get up and managed to get to work (looking like hell) and made it until 11 AM. After consulting with the doctors it was decided that I come in for evaluation and fluids. So right to the hospital where they did an evaluation, gave me those oh-so important painkiller drugs (diudid is my best friend) and hooked my up to an IV. After a couple hours I felt groggy but better and they sent me home with more diudid pills.

Thursday I tried my darnest but just couldn't get out of bed. Another call to the doctor got me sent back to the hospital for an ultra sound. back home and to bed. Still not being able to eat anything but a clear diet (jello, juice, Popsicles, broth). I did try eating a piece of banana (a great accomplishment for me since I'm not a fan of the big yellow guys) and it no sooner went down when it came back up including bile (not my favorite shade of green). The day was a total waste. Could hardly function with the drugs.

Friday I got up feeling a little better and went into work trying to salvage the week. I made it until 11AM and left otherwise I wasn't going to make it home. Surgeon called to let me know he looked at the ultra sound and it wasn't my gall bladder. I told him I had this same pain at least 5 time before and know what it is when the pain goes into my back when he stops me to tell me that gall bladder doesn't have back pain. Now, I've had this problem for 8 years and everyone I talk to about it all have a common link. They all talk about the back pain. But what do I know - I'm only the patient. From there on the rest of the weekend is a blurr. Don't remember much of anything.

Saturday I think I may have over medicated myself. It was a strange day. Seemed like everything was being repeated. Every time Mark would in and say something I would think "didn't he say the same thing 20 minutes ago"? At one point I took my pain pills only to think (once swallowed) - "didn't I just take these"? Long story short Mark took the pills away and would only give them to me when needed. Probably a smart thing. Sorry to cousin Carol who called right in the middle of an episode of "Doreen the Dummy". I'm sure I wasn't making any sense at all. At least I have drugs to blame it on!

Started back working full time again on Monday and made it through the day. I feel fine - just more tired then usual but it will take me another week to get back to my old normal.

Until more to report - I have my Dancin' slippers on.

Keep on Dancin'